Vanagons Anonymous |
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by Robert Rountree
Hello.
Yes, you. You, looking at this screen for hours on end, online. You, bleary eyed. You, a Vanagon Internet addict. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Been outside? Know what day of the week it is? Been out from under your Van lately? Know the chapters in your Bentley so well, you mumble to yourself........ No Cooling #19... not Water Tanks #76?
Your name was given to us by a spouse or family member who is concerned about your Vanagon internet addiction. At Vanagons Anonymous, we can help.
We're a non-profit society of recovering addicts like yourself that provides support and counseling through weekly meetings designed to help you cope with your problem.
We feature a twelve step recovery program and in extreme cases, interventions. Although it is our firm belief that you are never "cured," you most certainly can recover.
We have designed a brief checklist to determine if you are a Vanagon addict. Do you:
- Have twitches of the head when you walk by your Vanagon?
- Check Your Vanagon.com e-mail more than 3 times a day?
- Spend more time reading/replying to e-mail than eating or sleeping?
- Surf aimlessly looking for Vanagon related topics?
- Leave your name and information at countless sites if only to hope you'll receive a reply one day from a company about some new shock, spring rate, trailer hitch or battery?
- Log on before important personal habits, such as meal preparation, hygiene or bodily functions?
- Have red, swollen eyes that hang halfway out of your head?
- Spend hours online on a holiday from work, where you'd usually be griping about your carpal tunnel syndrome?
- Keep imagining you see a coolant drop on your garage floor, or think you feel a slight hesitation under power, Keep asking yourself...... did I have to shift into 3rd last last time I came up this hill?... is that smell antifreeze?
- All of the above?
If you answered yes to four or more questions (or chose #10), you have a problem. Please call us at Vanagon Anonymous at:
1-800-LOGOFFNOWFORPETE'SSAKE
We're here, we're free, and we're confidential. The first step to recovery is admission that you have a problem.
Call us today.
(If you can power off to free up your phone line,that is.)
